Yesterday

Dear older daughter:

I'm fairly certain that it was only yesterday that you took ten steps down the sidewalk next to our house and then collapsed in a puddle of tears because your sandals didn't keep the dirt away from your feet the way your running shoes did. I sat in the hot July sun, cleaning the dirt from between your toes with a washcloth, and promised you that I'd carry you everywhere for the rest of your life, to spare you the horror of ever having dirty toes again.

And it was only yesterday that while the rest of us were enjoying Grandma's surprise 40th birthday party, you ate 23 gherkins pickles before I caught on. As I changed diaper after diaper that evening, and listened to you howl with your tummy ache, I swore I'd never buy another jar of pickles, so that you wouldn't be tempted by the nasty things that caused you so much distress.

It was only yesterday that you were the only, instead of the oldest. That you cried when you found out the new baby wasn't going to sleep in your room, and then you cried when we changed our minds and said she could.

I'm sure it was only yesterday that I brought you into your Kindergarten screening. During the vision test, you squinched your eyes shut and refused to look at the chart. During the dental check, you clamped your mouth shut, so they couldn't even count your teeth. And during the speech assesment, you buried your face in my shoulder and refused to utter a word.

And I know for a fact that it was only yesterday that you stumbled into a bee's nest, and came running, screaming, as a cloud of stinging insects followed. I scooped you up, and we both ran, and later, I covered your legs with baking soda paste, and gave you a popsicle.

I could swear it was only yesterday that we took the baby gate off the kitchen door, that the training wheels came off your bike, that you walked to school alone for the first time, that you opened a bank account, that you went to your first semi-formal dance - with a boy. That you went to your first job interview, wrote your first exam.

It was only yesterday that I realized one of my greatest fears about motherhood was of running out of time - time to teach you, tell you, guide you, reach you - time to figure it out, to get it right - before you grew up.

I don't know if I got it right, or not. I tried. I taught you to brush your teeth twice a day, to clean up after yourself, to say please and thank you. I taught you not to talk to strangers, and not to run with scissors.  I taught you to cherish the friends you have, and to be true to your own values. Above all, I hope I taught you that I love you - that I'll love you on your good days, and on the not-so-good days, and that you can always count on your dad and I to try to help you figure things out. That I can't always protect you from dirt, and pickles and bees, but that I'll always try.

Yesterday, I realized how very, very proud I am of you, of all your accomplishments, small and large. Of how lucky I am that you are who you've become, of how blessed I am to have such a sweet, smart, beautiful daughter.

Yesterday, you turned 16. Happy birthday baby!

Comments

[kim]

As someone who knows you both, I can tell you that you have taught her well, and you have every right to be proud of her. Your entry brought tear to my eyes.....She cannot be the same little toddler who waved from the wagon on Fireworks night while we sat on Nana and Papa's front porch......Where does the time go?
Yes you have done a great job,,,just as she has done a great job in raising a Mom!

[Heather Cook]

You totally just made me bawl at work. And now I want to run home and hug my baby boy.

[Heidi]

Gee Shelley, you really know how to make someone cry in 10 seconds or less!
Well done. I'm sure you did all the right things with your daughter. It's only the moms who care so much who worry about these things.

[Kira]

That was just lovely. I hope you showed it to your daughter.

[Kelly Gibbons]

What an amazing letter to your daughter. Wow, 16, how wonderful and scary! I have that x 2 to look forward to in a few months. Happy Birthday to the oldest!

[AGK]

Oh Shelley, this is so beautiful! What a perfect, wonderful gift to give her.

[cassie-b]

What a touching story. I got chills readng it and in turn remembering my own children. Thank you so much for sharing.

Happy birthday to your daughter.
Cas

[Jenn PB]

Happy Birthday Oldest Daughter

[Angelica]

Mom:

It was only yesterday that you did all those things. At least thats how it seems to me because you teach me something new everyday.

I brush my teeth 3 times a day. I clean up after myself, except my room gets a tad out of control. I always say please and thank you and I never run with scissors...just walk quickly. But I have to admit I do...occasionally...talk to strangers. How else am I going to make new friends?

There's a bunch of things you missed, of things that you've taught me:

You taught me how to love, and how to hold dear the ones I have. You taught me that I Love You are not words to say lightly. You've shown me that the path someone else took is not always the path that's going to work for me. You showed me how to write my name, first in crayon and then in pen. You showed me how to make a resumé, how to use a computer even. And you're continually showing me what a loving family looks like every day. Because sometimes I get scared and I want to run away from it all but I don't because regardless of all that happened to you, you still got this far. And if I can get as far as you have I'll be satisfied.

You taught me how to believe in the good of mankind, but still not expect miracles. You've always believed in me, no matter what I thought about myself.

And I'm crying real tears now, not just watery eyes kind of tears, so I better stop before you complain about the keyboard keys sticking.

Thank you so much for everything you've taught me, showed me, and done for me. I know that no matter where I go and no matter what I do you'll be right there behind me, waiting in case I mess up and need some one to cry on.

Though your shoulders may be bony, they've got 16 years of tears and pain soaked into them and you never once complained about parenting being "too hard" to have a sullen, ornery teenager and instead chose to reap the benefits of having a laughing, smiling, successful daughter that loves you no matter what.

[Angelica]

One thing I forgot to mention? I will NEVER like it when there is dirt between my toes.

[Angelica]

One thing I forgot to mention? I will NEVER like it when there is dirt between my toes.