Struck!

(Stricken?) With guilt, that is.

Was IM-ing with Kim today, and I tried to discuss my guilt with her. I've been reading a lot online lately from women who just don't seem to ever have the time to do the things that make them happy - or even the things that make them unhappy. It seems to come especially from women who don't "work outside the home", who move from making beds to folding clothes to running errands to fixing meals, trying to squeeze a precious hour or two out of the day to do something meaningful for themselves.

And I just don't get it.

Technically, I have a full time job. Granted, it's not 9 to 5, and so I tend to work when I need to get the work done. There are, admittedly, times when all I have to do is be here to answer the phone - and the person on the other end really has no idea if I'm fixing grilled cheese sandwiches while I chat. So there are days that are less demanding than others.

But there are also days that are more demanding - days when the copy must go on the page, the phone rings off the hook, days when I must venture out for appointments and interviews and picture taking. Days when I sit down at my desk at 8:30 in the morning, (no, really!) and look up three hours later and wonder where the time went.

But even on the most demanding of days - those times when it seems like I'm go-go-going from morning 'til night, I still find time to blog, or play WEBoggle, or read a book, or see what Kelly and Regis are up to on Live! I still find moments to be...bored.

And instead of wondering what I'm doing that these other women aren't, I'm wondering what I'm not doing. Am I neglecting my kids? Am I neglecting my house? Should I be concerned that there are times - many of them - when I'm completely and utterly unproductive?

Kim suggested that perhaps hubby is the difference. Admittedly, he cooks - I am not required to fix meals, or even children's school lunches. But I don't see him stressing out over housework and raising children, etc either. He has time too, when he's bored.

And even when I was Single Mom, doing it all by myself, it wasn't awful. Sure, there are times when it feels like I'm running in circles, but that's not an everyday occurence.

So I don't know what it is. All I know is that when I hear how overloaded my friends are, I feel guilty, because I'm not. The way we live makes me happy, and seems to make the rest of the family happy. I just get nervous because it seems so different from so many others.

Comments

[kim]

I know you and your family and none of them are neglected. Neither is your house...you are just blessed with the ability to get things done when they need to be, and you also are one of those women who know how to delegate and take for yourself...i envy you sometimes....

[Kelly]

Eeks, I think you were reading my mind (or I was reading yours because you wrote this yesterday). I was thinking something similar this morning. I was whining about how I bust my butt, then stopped myself because I realize I really don't. I work hard, but I also have time to do things I want. Then I felt guilty for this and started thinking maybe I should be doing more. I'm in a bothered state today, but your post made me smile. Thanks!